This is the third part of a series reviewing Greg Coles book entitled Single, Gay, Christian. In Parts I & II, we examined how placing a faulty socially constructed framework of sexual orientation ideology onto Scripture can lead to bad conclusions. On the first page of the forward in SGC, Wesley Hill writes about how he longed for “A book in which an author talked frankly about being gay, rather than ‘ex-gay’ or just ‘struggling with same-sex attraction.” Hill goes on to clarify that he was looking for someone who “…narrated an ongoing experience of same-sex desire and all that goes along with that.”

Hill equates “an ongoing experience of same-sex desire” with “being gay.” Yet we don’t equate any other ongoing experience of temptation with personhood. This is what sexual orientation ideology offers – a new definition of what it means to be human, revolving around this one aspect of a person’s life. The gospel offers something different. The Lord sees those who have put their faith in Christ through a new identity in Jesus. Many passages note how we are to put to death the old self and put on this new self (Eph. 4:22-24, Col. 3:9, Rom. 6:5-6, I Cor. 6:9-11, II Cor. 5:16-18.).

There are many people who continue to experience the same temptations over long periods of time, and there is no blanket call to be ashamed of this. Quoting from page 9 of the Sexual Holiness, Wholeness, and Brokenness Task Force Report for the WCA, we read:

Even when our temptations continue, through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit we do not have to give into or identify ourselves by them. Instead, confessing those nagging temptations can draw us deeper into authentic fellowship with our brothers and sisters (I John 1:6-10), and deeper into the ever-more persistent love of God:

“I know all about the despair of overcoming chronic temptations. It is not serious, providing self-offended petulance, annoyance at breaking records, impatience etc. doesn’t get the upper hand. No amount of falls will really undo us if we keep on picking ourselves up each time. We shall of course be very muddy and tattered children by the time we each reach home. But the bathrooms are all ready, the towels put out, and the clean clothes are in the airing cupboard. The only fatal thing is to lose one’s temper and give it up. It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present to us: it is the very sign of His presence.”[1]

Nothing can separate us from the Love of Christ – not even an ongoing temptation. At last year’s New Room Conference, I heard Pastor & author Rich Villodas speak about his book The Deeply Formed Life and principles involved in Emotionally Healthy Discipleship. In his talk, Villodas recommended several exercises, including the “Reaction Inventory.” This list of questions serve as a way to discern what may be underlying a disproportionate reaction to something:

1. What happened?

2. What am I feeling?

3. What’s the story I’m telling myself?

4. What does the gospel say?

5. What’s the counter-intuitive act I need to move towards?

In this series, reviewing this book, while I’m critiquing ideas I don’t mean to pick at Greg Coles - quite the opposite. Greg is an engaging writer and communicator – I’ve heard him speak on several occasions, and he has never struck me as being a freak or anything other than a brother in Christ. I don’t see his personality, tastes, mannerisms, or abilities being sourced from or tethered to same sex attractions. The key point from his book that I’m concerned about is voiced in the third question noted above – “What’s the story I’m telling myself?” Coles tells himself over and again things that don’t line up with how God sees him, and we’ve noted how it has led him to jump to a number of bad conclusions.

The online book club centered on this book was hosted by Dr. Juli Slattery’s ministry, Authentic Intimacy, and we met online towards the end of June. (Dr. Slattery is a psychologist and the author of Rethinking Sexuality, which is on the Gold Star list.) In our discussion, Dr. Slattery commented on how using terms such as “heterosexual” and “cisgender” reflect a modern psychological way of thinking, rather than a Biblical perspective of personhood. When asked about how to address the idea that using terms such as “gay celibate Christian” can be used as a tool to reach out to unbelievers, she suggested asking “When [in history] did we start identifying by our sexual desires?” She also recommended Dr. Carl R. Truman’s book, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self: Cultural Amnesia, Expressive Individualism, and the Road to Sexual Revolution, and/or his more recent shorter version, Strange New World: How Thinkers and Activists Redefined Identity and Sparked the Sexual Revolution. These books trace the history of equating sexual desires with personhood and the impact of this idea on society.

Dr. Slattery noted that God has made us for intimacy with Him, and that brotherhood and sisterhood are the foundational relationships in the church, (as opposed to our more modern tendency towards married vs. singleness in the church). She said that these assumptions of personhood draw people to look inward and focus on “Who am I attracted to?” and “What do I desire?” for Dnding identity, purpose and meaning – and this is leading to insanity, depression, and increased suicidal ideation, instead of turning to God for meaning, identity, and purpose. She then noted, “I don’t know how long it will take society to connect these dots.”

Asking people questions such as:

“What is the most important thing about you?”

“Show me how this informs everything about you.”

“Why is this so important to how you see yourself?”

…can help address the underlying assumptions that come with using these labels. Thanks be to God – the gospel does tell us another story about our identity. The Lord sees us as we truly are - loved by Him, with the righteousness of Christ credited to our account. Because of His love, we have counter-intuitive moves ahead of us as we follow Jesus:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal mesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.

Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. II Corinthians 4:7-18

We, as brothers and sisters in Christ, can work together in helping people untangle their identity from mere cultural stereotypes and assumptions, and encourage one another to build on the solid foundation of who we are in Jesus.

[1] The Sexual Holiness, Wholeness, and Brokenness Task Force Report for the WCA, Pg 9. CS Lewis quote from a letter to Mary Neylan dated Jan. 20, 1942, in The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Vol. 2, by C.S. Lewis, Jan. 20, HarperOne, 2007, pg. 507

[2] See Part II of this series where he uses this label in reference to himself.