?God makes a home for the lonely; He leads out the prisoners into prosperity,

Only the rebellious dwell in a parched land."     

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Psalm 68:6

Dear friends and ministry partners,

I am so grateful for your prayers and partnership as we move into another year of ministry. Between the work of Transforming Congregations (for the UMC and GMC) as well as Love & Truth Network (for the broader church), we have many speaking and equipping events already booked into the fall, with a few booked for 2024. But we still have room for more.

Through our online presence, frequent social media engagement across more than a dozen platforms, personal phone calls and video support, to in-person ministry events, people are learning about Love & Truth Network and the work that God has invited us into. In addition to a heavy focus on writing in the first quarter of 2023, we have been reaching out to other ministry leaders and pastors to interview for the launch of our new podcast.

We will be reaching out to interview pastors and lay-leaders, as well as a breadth of other valuable voices on the topics of restoring sexual and relational wholeness, and Biblical identity within our Churches and Christian families. We have had frequent interaction with pastors, youth pastors, lay-leaders, and moms and dads who are desperate to understand how to effectively minister in these vital areas of need.

You can help us by making a connection with your pastor or other leaders within local churches that you know. Any opportunities to offer ministry all begin with an introduction. People are hungry to hear the message of hope, grace, and truth that God has entrusted to us to share with compassion and boldness. Will you take a few minutes to make that introduction?

Several days ago, a friend shared that she heard a news report that out of every fifty-two weeks of the calendar year, the third week of January is the peak for depression and suicide, higher than any other week of the year. I don?t know the origins of this statement or how reliable the supporting data are for such a claim, but I do know people are suffering terribly. The holidays are hard for many people, but the let-down that follows can be even harder.

Many in our country experience hunger and homelessness. But many are also suffering from deep and unrelenting loneliness, and a lack of meaningful connection of any kind. Their pain cannot be eased with a meal or a roof over their head (however I am not minimizing the suffering and multifaceted approach needed to help those in hunger and homelessness). Chronic loneliness is a serious and often unaddressed issue. This is a malnourishment of heart and soul. We were made by our Creator for love and belonging ? with Him and with one another. The emptiness and hopelessness can feel excruciating when we feel truly, deeply alone and lacking in relationship with others.

The temptation to end one?s life is heightened in these situations. We know Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He does all of this in a wide variety of ways ? robbing young children of their innocence, enslaving men, women, and youth in drug addiction, tempting with the emptiness and health risks of sexual immorality, and luring with a false ?relief? that comes from ending it all through taking their own lives.

It isn?t just an experience for those ?out there?. I remember feeling incredibly lonely when I would leave church on Sundays and various Christian gatherings, feeling disconnected from everyone. I would see families sitting together and leaving together, going home or out to enjoy lunch together. Many friends were paired up too. There were probably many people feeling the same ? even husbands and wives, and other singles who were feeling alone. Our churches are full of lonely people. We can do better in really seeing one another and inviting people to share life with us ? single or married.

There are so many ways that society seems to be coming apart at the seams. The most basic, natural laws of God are viewed as confining, patriarchal, and oppressive. The concept that human beings flourish most in an environment of personal freedom and personal responsibility seems to be rapidly growing in disfavor. Rather, the collective and ?social good? are thought to be the only real value.

Christianity?s proclamation of sin, repentance, and individual relationship with God through Jesus Christ is increasingly viewed with contempt. This growing disfavor also holds true regarding the inherent value of human life, as well as a basic respect and awe for God?s binary design of male and female persons made in His image ? each an equal but distinct revelation of characteristics of the God who made them.

I believe the horrible global tragedy of COVID-19 had a number of secondary effects that were not all bad. Many I talk with have a heightened global awareness that was only vaguely existent before, but now acutely conscious. Many have a new and shocked awareness of the indoctrination and garbage children were/are being taught in school, separate and apart from the actual education parents assumed they were learning. Many massive programs and agencies that were supposedly established and operating for our benefit seem to have been exposed as manipulative and self-serving to those at leadership levels, amassing more power, control, and money for themselves.

I am reminded of the law passed in Canada a year ago that prevents anyone (minor or adult) who experiences unwanted same-sex attraction or unwanted gender dysphoria from receiving help from a competent and well training counselor, or even a pastor, in keeping with their desire to diminish those feelings, rather than act upon them. In the name of ?safety? and ?protection?, C4 was passed into law; but rather than protect, it strips people of the right to seek out help and counseling consistent with their values and right of self-determination. By a ?slight of hand?, freedom itself has been criminalized. Power and control over our lives shifts to others and fill the gap left behind. The value of human life is diminished at every turn.

It was in 2016 that Canada first passed what it termed ?medical assistance in dying? (MAID) into law. But apparently making it legal for the medical community to end life rather than save it for those diagnosed with a ?reasonably foreseeable? death didn?t go far enough. In response to a Quebec Superior Court decision in 2019 that determined limiting assisted suicide to people with ?reasonably foreseeable? deaths was a human rights violation, Canadian authorities have expanded MAID to include those with mental health issues. This essentially opens this horrendous practice to anyone seeking assistance to end their life. Given the hopelessness that so often accompanies depression, anxiety, and various forms of mental illness, doesn?t it seem this population would be particularly at risk for choosing to end their lives because of a hard, dark season that they may actually be able to recover from? 

Of course, it isn?t just Canada that?s ?in the weeds?. Plenty of States in the U.S. have legalized physician-assisted suicide, but nothing yet like the expansion Canada has embraced. It?s incredible that killing is now considered a form of ?healthcare?.

On a different life issue, did you know that when the ?Born-Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act? was proposed this month in our U.S. House of Representatives, out of a very nearly 50/50 party split, only two congressmen of the opposing party didn?t vote against the measure? Every other member did. How can anyone justify voting against the life of a newly born baby? I can?t understand it in the womb, but after birth? That?s exponentially more insane. That piece of legislation barely passed The House, but it did nonetheless pass. Tragically, it isn?t expected to get past the Senate, and certainly not Presidential signature.

In the name of progressivism, wokeism, feminism, globalism, socialism, and Marxism (to name a few), we are witnessing some profoundly ignorant and self-destructive decisions. I recently heard an avid pro-abortion policymaker express serious concern about low birth rates throughout the nation. They posed these concerns in support of illegal immigration, without the slightest pause or regard for the 64,000,000 babies that weren?t even given a chance at life in our own nation. Bizarre.

As we spin further and further out of control, I am so thankful God established His true Church to stand and remain faithful and true ? held steady by His hand with firm footing on the rock of Jesus Christ. The truth is, hard times and persecution always makes the Church stronger. As was true of Israel in the Old Testament, it?s in the comfortable and easy times that we tend to become complacent.

If you?ve read much of what I write or listened to me teach, you?re likely aware that I believe for many people (perhaps most), more than any other form of self-medication or coping mechanism (and there are plenty), sexual sin is an attempt to fill this sense of aloneness, and purposelessness. Sexual fantasy, especially sex with another person, mimics and counterfeits authentic intimacy like nothing else. It?s one of the reasons it is such a powerful temptation and difficult addiction to overcome. Sex and relationships done God?s way leads to thriving. Sex and relationships misused leads to greater and greater degrees of emptiness and loneliness.

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We have recently had the privilege of two sisters-in-Christ reaching out to us with a desire to write articles and blogposts for our ministries. We are pleased to include one of those below, on the topic of loneliness.

 

?Jesus said, ?You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for My Father is with Me.?? (John 16:32)

 

?What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him?though no one can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words, by God himself.? (Blaise Pascal, Pensées¹)

?I need God with skin on.? (An old preacher?s story²)

Loneliness is Very Common

An accepted definition of loneliness among those who study it is this: ?Loneliness is the unpleasant experience that occurs when a person's network of social relations is deficient in some important way, either quantitatively or qualitatively.? ³ 

The everyday person is not quick to admit loneliness, much less describe it. Loneliness is sometimes secondarily expressed as ?constant and unrelenting feelings of being alone, separated or divided from others, and an inability to connect on a deeper level. It can also be accompanied by deeply rooted feelings of self-doubt, low self-esteem, or social anxiety.? ⁴ There?s an almost subconscious stigma with loneliness that makes us think we are not valued or loved, and because this belief feels shameful, we usually don?t want to admit it to anyone.

Yet, considering how uniquely different everyone?s personality, background, and experiences are, loneliness is an inevitable experience for everyone to some extent. Even though the causes of loneliness are unique to someone?s situation, the painful feelings of emptiness are relatively similar. That pain is often further amplified by fear, especially the fear of rejection. Sadly, that fear is usually made even worse when it?s related to sin ? the fear of being shamed or misunderstood by someone. Sometimes it just feels easier to believe you?re the only one who struggles with something and that there is no one else who could ever understand. When we get to that point, we tend to navigate life all alone. This cyclical pattern self-perpetuates, and never improves without intervention.

For those who struggle with less-socially-acceptable sins like unwanted same-sex attraction, it is often hard to admit their struggle because the fears of disappointment and rejection are not just imaginary ? sometimes in the Church that is exactly what happens. It?s not easy to find someone who seems trustworthy or able to help.

The general public in America increasingly supports those who align with the LGBTQ+ community? even so far as labeling it as a positive identity. Church people sometimes shame the one who is struggling with unwanted desires, or they often simply have no idea how to help. Other times the Church does something worse than not helping the person seeking freedom; they actually affirm the popular sinful view. Such situations are fertile ground for loneliness, confusion, and despair to abound.

On One Level, God is The Answer

After all, God created you, designed you, and knows everything about you. And He invites you into His Presence. Ultimately, He is the One to fill that ?infinite abyss? of which Pascal spoke.

The Psalms are full of David and others crying out to God in the desperation of loneliness, hopelessness, fear, and every other human emotion that we would rather not experience. God knows those emotions, and you?re not the first person who?s needed His help facing them.

?The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.? (Psalm 34:18)

?All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.? (Psalm 38:9).

?I am lonely and afflicted, relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.? (Psalm 25:16-17)

?Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him. God is a refuge for us? (Psalm 62:8).

?I call on the Lord in my distress and He answers me...? (Psalm 120:1).

?In all their distress He too was distressed...? (Isaiah 63:9)

Jesus Himself knew loneliness. Unlike Moses, He did bear our sins alone. He withdrew to lonely places to pray because only His Father could fully appreciate what he was bearing. He bore the hatred of the religious community and also the misunderstandings of His followers. He said of His disciples, ?You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for My Father is with Me? (John 16:23). 

That same fellowship with the Father is available to us. God has heartfelt compassion for the lonely. As His Word says, He ?gives lonely people a family. He sets prisoners free.? (Psalm 68:6). God the Father and Jesus promise to make their home with the one who follows Jesus? teaching. (John 14:23).

On Another Level, God Isn?t Meant to be The Only Answer

The first time God ever said something was less than good, He was talking about man being separated, apart, and alone (Genesis 2:18). His grand remedy for this not-good situation was to create another ? a companion, a ?helper?. He didn?t tell Adam to get closer to God, He made him a friend. As much as these verses in Genesis 2 speak to God?s design for man and woman within marriage, it also speaks to human relationships outside of marriage by saying that being alone/separated, is not good. It is not God?s design for man or woman to live life in a constantly isolated state. Fellowship and companionship are some of our most primal and essential needs. 

Secular research backs this up. Some have said of loneliness that ?the impact it has on our bodies is thought to be equivalent to smoking over a dozen cigarettes a day?.⁵ Loneliness has been linked to ?heart disease, lung disease, cardiovascular disease, hypertension, atherosclerosis, stroke, and metabolic disorders, such as obesity? as well as ?depression, psychological stress, and anxiety.?⁶

We need others with faith in God to encourage us in the right direction. Jonathan helped David to find strength in God (1 Samuel 23:16). To Moses who was trying to lead Israel on his own, God?s reply was, ?The thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone? (Exodus 18:18). Ecclesiastes 4:10 says, ?Woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!?

Even Jesus wanted companionship. It was important to Him. He chose the twelve disciples after a night of prayer. He wanted His faithful few near Him as the time of the Cross drew near, ?He took Peter, James, and John along with Him, and He began to be deeply distressed and troubled? (Matthew 14:33).

There are about 60 ?one another?s? in the New Testament ? exhortations to live in community with ?one another?. ?We must also consider how to encourage each other to show love and to do good things. We should not stop gathering together with other believers, as some of you are doing. Instead, we must continue to encourage each other? (Hebrews 10:24-25). Admonish one another (Colossians 3:16-17), confess your sins to one another, pray for one another (James 5:16). These are just a few of the essential components of not being alone (and thus feeling lonely), but it requires honesty with others, not ?maintaining an appearance? to hide what?s really going on. Loneliness is too great a need to be met with false approval and Facebook likes. Deep hurts and struggles require deep connections to be the avenue of healing. This requires courage, and also the right people.

When I became a Christian and left my relatively short-lived jaunt into lesbianism, it didn?t take long until the attitude the Christian world had towards homosexuality cast a shadow of shame over me that I didn?t know how to get free of, and therefore I pretty much stayed in silence for 15 years. Finally, I just had to talk to someone who could understand this. Going to a counselor and then attending Living Waters opened a floodgate of understanding of all the things that had contributed to my attraction to women and my insecurities about my own identity. Equally important, it provided fellowship with others who were struggling with this and yet were pursuing God and His truth.

Find Community, or Create It

Don?t stay isolated. Take action.

First, talk bluntly and openly with God, echoing David?s pleas for help found in the Psalms. God will hear your prayers.

Next, ask God to lead you, go to some trusted friends and share your story. If someone with whom you share your story cannot handle it, find another.

If the Lord so leads, seek out a Living Waters group and join it ? or find a similar group of committed Christians who will journey with you toward refinement into the image of Jesus.

Remember, you?re not looking for perfect people. You?ll never find any of those. You?re looking for people who are committed whole-heartedly to journeying Jesus? narrow way together with you ? the path on which Jesus leads all His followers. Together, you?ll begin to receive the blessings of joy within the Jesus-oriented, Jesus-submitted community that He promised us.

"LONELINESS" REFERENCES

1. Pascal, Blaise. ?Where Does the Concept of a ?God-Shaped Hole? Originate?? Christianity Stack Exchange, 1 Nov. 1958, (link).

2. Beddingfield, John F. ?God with Skin On.? Words, Nevertheless, 21 May 2017, (link).

3. Perlman, D., & Peplau, L. A. (1981). Toward a Social Psychology of Loneliness. Personal Relationships in Disorder, (Chap. 2) p. 31.

4. Signs and Symptoms of Chronic Loneliness. (link).

5. Loneliness Is As Bad For Your Health As Smoking 15 Cigarettes A Day (link).

6. Yanguas J, Pinazo-Henandis S, Tarazona-Santabalbina FJ. The Complexity of Loneliness. Acta Biomed. 2018 Jun 7;89(2):302-314. doi: 10.23750/abm.v89i2.7404. PMID: 29957768; PMCID: PMC6179015.