?Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant? [love] does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth? 1 Cor 13:4,6

MINISTRY UPDATE

As I write this ministry update I?m at a friend and ministry supporter?s home in Upstate NY, only several miles from where my family lived until moving to Phoenix, AZ in 2016. My family and I are on a 6 week ministry trip, traveling to churches in the Northeast; preaching, leading weekend ministry events, and equipping leadership teams. We?ve driven over 5,500 miles so far.

Melissa flew back to Arizona a week ago to start off the new school year in her role as Director of Counseling Services at a Christian university near our home. The boys and I will be in the Northeast for a couple more weeks of ministry before driving back home. We would so appreciate your prayers for open hearts, Holy Spirit empowerment, and divine protection over my teaching and our travels.

As is always the case in my preaching and teaching, correction and repentance begins with the body of Christ in our own hidden areas of pervasive sexual sin and systemic compromise with worldly attitudes and behavior.

I have recently been meditating on and teaching from 1 Corinthians 13. In light of the profound confusion in the broader culture (and in many churches) on what love actually is, my attention has particularly been drawn to verse 6. The reality that authentic ?love does not celebrate unrighteousness and rather rejoices with the truth? stands in stark contrast to the wisdom of the world which proudly declares ?love is love?.

Meaning, whatever desires or attractions a person feels toward another (or multiple people at once - polyamory), and however those attractions are expressed sexually, must be regarded as wholesome, beautiful love. Only haters and bigots won?t celebrate all forms of this broken, worldly love.

By contrast, Biblical love runs deeper; truly concerned for the well-being of those we love. When we actually love someone we do not lead them into or celebrate what God calls sin. Godly love flows out of a desire for another?s absolute best and the only way we can know what is best for ourselves and for others is based on what our creator and designer has revealed through the Scriptures.

In worldly foolishness and confusion, we can easily believe that freedom equals a total absence of boundaries, but this is completely untrue. The greatest sense of freedom and highest potential for human thriving occurs within the protection and wholesomeness of Biblical boundaries.

 

True love cares far too much to ignore or celebrate sin, understanding that patterns of unconfessed and unrepentant sin lead toward destruction. How can we claim to be followers of Jesus and not gently and compassionately warn or sound the alarm, or at least try to be a ?speed bump? on this road of destruction by sharing truth with those who are in danger?

Of course, warning others and speaking truth-in-love presupposes that we aren?t living out our own patterns of sin in secret. Jesus clearly addresses that hypocrisy in Matthew 7:1-5

This 6 week ministry trip has indeed been fruitful, and we have a lot more ministry ahead of us. Men and women are hungry for truth; they?re hungry for freedom, and pastors and leaders have been so open to the training and equipping we offer. They want to know how to walk in authentic freedom and how to lead their families, churches, and loved ones into all the incredible purposes God has for them in their generation ? especially in the midst of a growing anti-Christian, anti-family, sex-saturated culture.

It?s such a blessing to have ministry partners and even ministry opportunities all along our drive across the country, in both directions. Nothing is wasted. Nothing is mere coincidence with God! Whether we?re having personal conversations and times of encouragement or prayer with denominational or non-denominational pastors, equipping church leadership teams, preaching, teaching at a conference, or leading a full weekend event, God has been at work through it all.

Rather than ?playing it safe? or shrinking back in fear due to hostile cancel culture and an aggressive political environment God is calling us to ?Lead with Love/Anchor in Truth? (one of our ministry taglines). I believe that well led churches, willing to walk the razor?s edge within the tension of love and truth will be our most relevant, effective, and Biblical churches.

There are plenty of ?social churches? watering down Christ?s gospel and His calling on our lives. So much so, they become a meaningless husk of confused language and deceptive appearance? ?having a form of godliness, but denying it?s power? II Timothy 3:5. Rather, we?re in desperate need of the real thing? the true body of Christ; men, women and youth growing in sanctification, Christ-likeness, compassion and authority.

This is the time to work with all our might for honest, vulnerable, safe and transformational churches (which can only happen when individuals decide to be honest and vulnerable about their own hidden brokenness) filled with the power of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit to radically transform broken lives through an authentic process of discipleship over time and real community life. Even for most orthodox churches, this is a radical shift in how body life actually happens. But according to passages like James 5:16, 1 John 1:9, and Hebrews 3:12-13 there is no plan B in finding deep and lasting wholeness apart from Christian community.

This is our purpose in ministry; strengthening and equipping the broader church, to become effective healing hospitals in restoring lives broken by sexual and relational sin and addiction.

SPREAD THE WORD

In addition to online curriculum development, we are offering leadership team development, as well as individual coaching/spiritual mentoring for individuals via Zoom. We?re also offering Webinar equipping opportunities.

?God has been so good to shine light on ways we can pivot from primarily in-person events and weekend ministry opportunities to virtual training and teaching.

?We are so thankful for the increase and expansion that He goes before and provides. We are also thankful for you. Without supporters in prayer-covering and financial gifts we would not be able to offer these various equipping opportunities to a Church so much in need of the specific ministry God has uniquely prepared us for.

TESTIMONY- LIZ

?Not once did I ever think that my struggles would ever be made public or that someone would want to hear them. Yet, the feedback from the video was overwhelmingly positive: not only did many resonate with my battle with pornography, but so many others came to ask for nuggets of advice from a weathered fighter. Even more found my boldness to be inspiring, which in turn made every struggle leading up to the video worth it. Soon I had sent my video to many of my close friends and family, wanting for them to be a part of this major step of faith and to celebrate not having to hide anymore.

While I am not proposing that everyone film their testimonies of sexual sin and broadcast it to the world, I am going to give some suggestions that I have gained in my fight against pornography. I would like to call them battle notes, because this struggle is not ending. Although I have freed myself from the bondage of pornography, I still have to fight to remain pure. I am not cured; I am set free. That difference changes everything.

If you are struggling with pornography, please take these notes to heart and remember to always give yourself grace in this journey. If you are reading this as someone who has not struggled with an addiction to pornography, take these as help for a future interaction with a loved one who battles. This struggle is only increasing in our world and we should all be equipped with strategies to help those that are bogged down by its slimy grip.

Believe me, telling someone that you struggle with pornography is terrifying. If that thought does not create a pit in your stomach and a trail of butterflies in your torso, than this must not be a real problem in your life. Admitting to someone that you struggle with this means being vulnerable and taking off the veil that we try so hard to keep up. You do not get to control the reactions of the people that you tell, but do not let that fear be an excuse.

Choose someone that you trust and who loves and cares enough about you to listen. They might need time to deal with it, especially if it has been a secret for an extended amount of time. When you are looking to find someone to ask, consider a few things.

·       Have they been a confidant in the past? If so, how have they handled the information you have given them?

·       Are they a Christ follower? If not, it would be best to find someone who is and can share that hope with your battle.

·       Do you believe that they will be someone that will be there for the long run who can keep you accountable and is brave enough to call you out when you fail? Longevity in battles with addictions are important, so make sure to trust someone who has the potential to be around for a while.

Despite all the fears that sharing brings, begin by mustering the courage to let the words out. Say it: ?I struggle with pornography and I need help.? It means swallowing your pride, but it is better than living daily with a fear of being caught or the overpowering guilt that comes from giving in. The first step is to admit that you need help. Once you do that, you are not alone, someone else can share the burden with you. And that is everything.

One of the hardest parts of breaking my struggle with pornography was figuring out what drove me to watching it. The ancient philosopher Socrates said, ?Know thyself.? This can be one of the longest parts of the process.

We are drawn to pornography for many different reasons. Some use it as an outlet for sexual tension, others do not find their worth in the world so they seek it from a screen, and many use it as an area of their life that they can control. (As hard as some try to convince me, no one looks at pornography for the artistic quality.) Everyone has internal and external problems that draw them in, insecurities that seek to be fed and rationalized excuses that drown out the still small voice that says ?no.? You need to figure out what those are.

For me, I know that one of my triggers is loneliness. When I find myself disengaged from people or upset by someone, I must not allow myself to be alone. Everyone has triggers and it is vital that they are identified so they can be countered. This part of the journey is all about learning your limits. Just as with any addiction, some can handle more than others at different points in the process. For me, I did not need to give up my phone or my computer because I could handle the pressure as long as I had people that were keeping me accountable and knew what I was doing on the Internet. Hard decisions need to be made on when to be alone, where you have access to technology and how you use that technology.

This also means looking at media and music choices. In my life I have to be extremely careful about the romantic comedies that I watch or the suggestive music because those are some of the triggers that I have discovered. Pornography does not just have to be videos; it can be books, movies, and articles. I have talked to people who have not once accessed a pornography site and yet struggle with reading explicit content online. The sin is out there and has many faces, all of which need to fought against. Again, search yourself and your intentions.

Know what draws you to pornography and seek to put in safeguards that do not allow them to shut out the voice. In my life, accountability has taken on the form of maintaining safeguards that I have set up. Most importantly, I have several people in my life who are aware of my struggle and who will frequently ask where I am at with this battle. They also know the passwords to my computer and can access my history at any point. In high school, my parents put software on my computer that did not allow anyone to access certain pages on the Internet in order to protect our family. There are many resources out there?check them out!

I felt like I wasn?t even worthy to think about God, let alone think that He loves me.

Let?s admit it: in many of our churches, discussions about sex can be frowned upon or even considered inappropriate. While many will be the first to discuss the importance of abstinence, the others issues can be left on the wayside, especially when it comes to any issues of lust for women. For instance, just bring up struggling with pornography in a group of people after a service and watch the aftermath. This is not how it should be.

We are fallen beings and nothing is new under the sun: people are struggling with pornography in our churches. I grew up in the church struggling with this and never felt comfortable enough to admit it. All I wanted was to know that I would not be judged. I did not want to tell someone that I was sinning and them turn around and show my parents how messed up I was, so I remained silent. With my struggle with pornography and sexual sin, God became someone that I had to hide from, not one that I saw as merciful or loving. My friends became those that could find out my secret, so I ran from them, even if they truly had the best intentions. Instead of looking for the love that I was given, I looked for the faults of others, because if I could find faults in them than I could feel better about myself.

I should have been seeking openness and healing, yet I continued to hide behind my walls for fear that I would share how dirty I actually am and lose the Christian image that I had worked so hard to build up. I can look back and see how my heart became impenetrable and my head unwilling to let anyone in. I was worthless, unlovable, and dirty, only worthy of shame and punishment. And this is all because I let that sin make a home in my heart, a place that should have been hostile to it but yet became its dwelling place at the expense of my own freedom.

If you are struggling with pornography, please know that God is inviting you to bring Him your struggles and your failures. You do not need to live behind walls of protection, because there is freedom that can tear those down and start healing what sin has broken. With Jesus, we are not dirty, worthless or broken?we are redeemed, restored, and made clean!

I had to learn to believe that God wanted something to do with me. My sins did not make him run away. His arms were open just the same. Whether you have looked at porn once or multiple times a day, God wants to change your mind about how He sees you. And if you are someone who is helping someone who struggles with this, let them know how much you love them and how much God loves them even more. We are not in bondage anymore, why should we live that way?

Liz shared her story for Covenant Eyes  (used with permission)  https://www.covenanteyes.com

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