A number of news outlets have recently reported on a former leader of an ?ex-gay? ministry who renounced his belief that God can impact the lives of those who experience unwanted LGBTQ desires or attractions. One such article was written by Jonathan Merritt and published in the Washington Post.
Some who once believed in the power of God to change lives, no longer do. While they certainly are entitled to choose how they want to live their lives?toward destruction or life-some presume to speak in sweeping terms. They reject not only their personal experience, claiming that their leadership was all a façade and apologizing for the harm they have caused, but they also malign those who remain faithful to the clear teachings of Scripture regarding human sexuality and identity. Some now proclaim loudly that no one changes, attempting to justify and still the internal conflict of their own return to sinful behavior and supposed new-found freedom as an ?ex-ex-gay.? In so doing, they attempt to throw the rest of us who have experienced the power of God ?under the bus? and malign His ongoing work in our lives.
These former leaders are apologizing for the very truths of Scripture and encouragement that once gave countless numbers of struggling men and women hope, helping us stay the course on our journey with Jesus toward His plans and purposes for our lives. Thankfully, our faith does not rest in the fickleness or faithlessness of man, but in the unchanging truths of God?s word and Holy Spirit empowerment.
I came into the ?ex-gay? space about 20 years ago as a very broken and depressed man. I was actively involved in homosexual practice and fully embraced that identity as fixed and unchangeable. However, I desperately wanted something else. After the initial euphoria wore off, I found ?gay? life to be anything but gay, yet also struggled with deep desire to die because I didn?t believe there was hope for anything else. I could never imagine myself married to a woman or being a good father, and I didn?t want to live the rest of my life alone, so I remained trapped in a life I no longer wanted.
In Merritt?s article, he refers to ?conversion therapy? stating that its goal is to help ?LGBTQ people suppress their homosexuality and become ?straight?.? Conversion therapy is a made up, negative, catch-all term that conflates any kind of support (professional or otherwise) into some supposed common ?techniques? which make use of torture or extreme shame in some awful and pathetic attempt to change a person?s attractions. No ministry, church or counselor I know of practices such things.
In addition, I never experienced anything like this, and out of the hundreds of men and women my wife and I have become acquainted with over the years we?ve never met anyone who has. Rather, we experienced compassionate care through ministries and churches that certainly weren?t perfect, but nonetheless were lifelines for us. These were ministries and churches we had the freedom to seek out, ministries and churches that LGBTQ activists want to shutter for daring to believe in and proclaim the power of God to transform lives. It?s called sanctification.
It?s completely disingenuous to claim suicide and depression within the LGBTQ community is primarily connected to a lack of societal acceptance, or that somehow an Orthodox Christian perspective is at fault. Yes, the churches I grew up in (and most today) need a wake-up call and a good deal of training when it comes to effectively and lovingly ministering in the arena of restoring sexual and relational wholeness, to say nothing of walking with those who experience unwanted LGBTQ identity struggles. However, my depression, misery and desire to die was coming from an internal belief (which is loudly and repeatedly proclaimed by LGBTQ activists, irresponsible media outlets and the entertainment industry) that change is impossible ? I desperately WANTED change, but we?re told today by the loudest voices in culture that we can?t have it! Even orthodox United Methodist churches and the broader church wavers on (or outright rejects) the notion of transformation for men and women who surrender to Jesus out of the LGBTQ community. As a church we can and must do far better! This is why Transforming Congregations exists.
Today, I am a husband to my amazing wife, Melissa and father to two incredible boys. That would have never been a reality had I continued to believe the popularized dogma that change is impossible and harmful when attempted. To the contrary, I have no doubt that I would be dead today had God not intervened and rescued me out of homosexuality.
Merritt states that ?the Internet is rife with stories of LGBTQ people who have reported suffering psychological harm as a result of participating in these programs and ministries.? He neglects to mention (or perhaps doesn?t know) what is truly suppressed are the countless stories on the Internet, and elsewhere, of men and women who have broken free of LGBTQ identity in pursuit of their Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. The Internet is rife with stories of once self-identified LGBTQ men and women living differently today; lives rescued by the power and love of Jesus, lives that have restored wholeness and joy.
Also, men and women seek out and participate in ministries, church groups or counselors, of their own free will. If they decide the group or counseling isn?t for them they are free to leave ? why is that a problem? Freedom of choice isn?t sufficient. From the LGBTQ activist perspective, choice needs to be taken away from those of us who were so profoundly helped, especially from others who might realize they also have a choice to pursue a life other than LGBTQ.
Perhaps Merritt and others are unaware of the many tragic stories on the internet of ?de-transitioners? who were in some stage of attempted transition as a result of gender dysphoria, but in the process realized that their gender confusion and struggles were a deeply felt symptom of far deeper issues. Sadly, some of them have irreversible damage done to their bodies: women who had healthy breasts removed, men who now have breasts? and that?s just the upper body.
There certainly are some people who once experienced unwanted same-sex attraction and sought help from a church, ministry or counselor and later decided that road was too difficult or simply came to a place of accepting and acting on their LGBTQ feelings and desires. When that decision has been made, it isn?t difficult to understand how those who offered support to follow the clear teaching of Scripture regarding sin and human sexuality would become easy targets of anger and frustration for that person who has come fully out as LGBTQ and finds a community fueling anger toward Christians and the church.
Undoubtedly, some people have experienced poor care by those who purport to help. Whenever that happens it?s a profound grief and needs to be resoundingly addressed by the church. However, there are wolves in sheep?s clothing in every organization, even the church. Our efforts should be applied to correcting and equipping (or removing) individuals who aren?t leading well or worthy of the position of ?care? they hold, rather than denigrating a movement that has helped countless men and women, or punishing every counselor who is willing to work with individuals according to their individual right of self-determination.
Have you ever read any major news articles that shame the intentions of or call into question the integrity of men or women who enter into Alcoholics Anonymous for recovery and subsequently fail or drop out altogether? I haven?t. Have you read any major news articles that treat the work of AA as fraudulent because of their extraordinarily high recidivism rates? I haven?t. Did you know that according to AA?s own 1990 Triennial Survey only 26% of members were still sober or still in the program by the 12th month?
Why do most of us use a different litmus test or have a different understanding about human frailty and struggles with sin?particularly when it comes to LGBTQ? Why do we offer a lot of grace for struggle and failure in most areas of human experience (e.g., Alcoholics Anonymous) but the moment someone fails or personally rejects the journey they were once on with regard to LGBTQ identity we tend to jump on that and declare the entire movement or support structure fraudulent?
The best kept secret of our day is that thousands of men and women are successfully walking with Jesus out of once exclusive LGBTQ attractions and identity struggles. By successfully, I do not mean perfectly nor do I mean temptation free, but the power of walking in freedom and victory does not require the absence of desire or attraction to a particular thing that God calls us out of to follow Him. Whereas, it seems the vultures are circling and just waiting for the moment that someone falls and turns back so they can dive in to get that story in the headlines, attempting to de-legitimize everyone who is on a journey of finding our true identity in Jesus Christ alone and pursuing His far greater good for us and one another.
To be clear, many of us who once personally embraced LGBTQ identities and no longer do so, live meaningful and joyful lives involved in God?s Kingdom, setting our eyes on an eternal perspective and joining Him where He is at work.
Is it a hard journey to leave behind something that felt like hardwired identity? Without a doubt. However, so many of us have found the struggle and ultimate outcomes to be so worth it. I often say, ?I wouldn?t trade my worst day as one who now embraces my identity as a man made in God?s image and son of the Father, for my best day in the LGBTQ life I once lived?. There?s simply no comparison.
That does not mean that my wife and I don?t experience some same-sex attraction at times. It?s nothing like the intensity that it used to be, but why should that surprise anyone? Everyone who commits to follow Jesus has conflicting, fleshly desires that we all need to lay down to pick up our cross daily and follow after Him (Luke 9:23). A cross-less gospel is a false gospel.
It?s ridiculous to suppose that just because some people return to old sin patterns and disavow their journey with Jesus out of those places of sin and brokenness, that somehow everyone is a fraud who testifies to God changing their lives from a once exclusive LGBTQ identity to that of an identity rooted exclusively as followers of Jesus Christ.
Undoubtedly, you?ve heard or read about Joshua Harris, who became popular in the late 90s with his book ?I Kissed Dating Goodbye?, later a pastor for many years. He recently made headlines by his public announcement that he and his wife are getting a divorce, quickly followed by a second announcement that he?s no longer a Christian.
These are tragic revelations, and of course Harris is not the first, nor will he be the last to renounce faith and/or marriage vows. So, should we question the legitimacy of marriage altogether or perhaps even Christianity because of the failure and public declarations for some? Of course not.
Regardless of all the revisionist history declared by a few who were once leaders, some whom I highly respected and once looked up to, I am so thankful for the good and gracious work that Exodus International once offered for many years, prior to their last few. I?m so thankful for the many ministries that were lifelines for me and many of my friends while our struggle was so intense to follow Jesus rather than our fleshly inclinations. Most of those ministries are still thriving and offering the truth of life-change over time for everyone who is pursuing and devoted to Jesus Christ?even for once-LGBTQ men and women.
Over the years, many churches and ministries have realized that sexual sin and addiction are enormous problems in every church. What I found to be most healing in my life was a relevant church, loving well enough to address the broad spectrum of sexual sin and finding a place of restoration among my brothers who were walking out of porn addiction, heterosexual sin or other issues. They recognized my same-sex attraction was simply another expression of our common struggle with sin and addiction. This was hope and life to me.
Praise God Merritt?s assessment that help and support for men and women who experience unwanted LGBTQ feelings and desires is nearly extinct, is utterly wrong. Not only are many solid ministries going strong, but far more importantly I talk with a number of Christian leaders and churches across the country that are waking up and seeing both the desperate need, as well as God?s provision to take up His call to restore relational and sexual wholeness. Far from discipleship ministry being on its last legs, I see many churches embracing authentic discipleship and being revitalized by lovingly addressing the catastrophic fallout (in every church) of the sexual revolution, and LGBTQ confusion.
I?m so thankful for people like Rosaria Butterfield, Joe Dallas, Anne Paulk, Andrew Comiskey and countless others who are writing and speaking truth in love; giving hope and a pathway to people like me and so many others who refuse to conform to the rigid identity roles that LGBTQ activist?s demand we fit into. These activists will use intimidation of Christians and churches, misinformation to heap more discouragement and hopelessness on hurting people looking for help, and even working through the court system in an attempt to legally remove our right of self-determination and our ability to receive professional, competent support from trained counselors to pursue a path other than LGBTQ identity and behavior. Does that sound like tolerance and love to you?
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The church has often gotten it wrong when it comes to LGBTQ and sexual sin. However, that?s not because the church has usually been wrong about the truth of scripture and God?s call for His followers to leave lives of sin to follow His Son. Rather, we in the church have failed in the myriad of ways we have not been gracious and loving, in the myriad of ways we have covered up our sin, lied about it and pointed our fingers at some other target?the LGBTQ community for example. We have often not been a church that ?walks in the light? 1 John 1:7.